I Am Still Alive by Kate Alice Marshall

Author:Kate Alice Marshall
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Young Readers Group
Published: 2018-07-24T00:00:00+00:00

Before

I WROTE BEFORE, but that isn’t right, not really. There’s no more before after that moment; that’s when the world split in two. It took less than a second. The time for a bullet to leave the chamber and travel a few feet.

My life has become a list of things that almost killed me. Ways I almost died. If the truck that hit us had been going just a little bit faster, I would have died. If I hadn’t gotten up that morning on the shore, I would have died. If I hadn’t gotten the fire started the day of the storm, I would have died.

If I had screamed when the back of my father’s head burst open in a spray of blood and bone and brain, I would have died.

I tried to scream. The sound stuck in my throat, and I made a strangled, wounded noise. Raph’s head jerked up. He looked toward where I was crouching. I held still, held my breath.

“I hate the woods,” he muttered, and turned away.

I struggled to breathe. I fought a clutching sob that wanted to break free, and I stuffed my fist against my mouth to hold it in. My dad was dead. He was lying on the ground and the dirt was turning so dark with blood. He was dead. There was no moment of hope, of thinking maybe he would get up. That maybe I’d seen wrong.

“Jesus,” Daniel said. He’d yanked his gun from its holster when Raph fired. Now he jammed it back in. “What’d you shoot him for? You think he was lying about the money?”

“He stole from us,” Raph said. “You can’t let something like that go. Now get him in the hole. Then we’ll check the cabin. Could be he was lying, and the money’s still here. If we find it, good. If not, fine. Either way we burn it all down. Make sure there’s no reason for anyone to come here.”

Daniel nodded. He dragged Dad’s body by the shoulders, leaving a streak of blood across the ground. I closed my eyes as the body dropped into the hole. It hit the crate with a horrible thud.

Raph swore. “Make sure it’s all in there,” Raph said, and I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. Tears still managed to leak out, running down my cheeks as hot as blood. “And turn over the dirt where it’s bloody, too. Don’t want an animal digging him up or something.”

I heard the patter of dirt, imagined it hitting dad’s coat and his face and his open eyes. I felt paralyzed. I stared at Bo. The dog hadn’t moved, but his lips were peeled back from his teeth. I wanted him to jump out and tear their throats out. But they’d kill him. They’d kill me. I couldn’t even hit a tree consistently. How was I supposed to stop them? Three men with guns. One girl and a dog. There was no contest.

You probably already know that I couldn’t have done anything, but I have to say it again and again because I still don’t believe it.

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